*Pretend TV voice-over with flashback scenes*
Last time on Michael's Life:
*scene* left work at Sheraton;
*scene* fell in love with Beatriz;
*scene* having a baby together;
*scene* went on holiday to visit his family in the Philippines;
*scene* ... and moved in with Beatriz..
*show opening credits*
Life has once again taken a wonderful and slightly unexpected turn. Last time I wrote, I was feeling some angst at my self-perceived failure to make the grade at the Sheraton. Yet at the same time, I was aglow with the beginning of the relationship that I had always been dreaming of.
Beatriz and I had at the start agreed that if we could, it would be wonderful to have a family together. Back then we did not hold much hope that it would happen because of a number of private reasons that made us think that perhaps our capacity to conceive would be less than optimal. And yet here we are, halfway through the pregnancy.
At times I remember how I felt the first time I was an expectant father. I was a young man with no clue and filled with fear that I may be incapable of meeting the responsibility of parenthood. It was indescribably daunting at twenty-three. Now at forty-five, backed by twenty-one years experience of parenting my first daughter, it has at least become describably daunting.
I do not devalue the struggles of the road ahead, I feel like a soldier who's volunteered for a second tour of duty. I go, not because I have to, but this time because I want to.
The first time around, I was constantly afraid of what trials the future may hold and spend my days preparing for the storm that may never come. These days I come from a place of courage, with excitement in my eyes for what is to come. Enjoying today and embracing the challenges as they come.
I am alive.
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