The Hammer Falls

This was the 12th day I've been working since my last day off, one can say that my last day off was nearly two weeks ago. And I am exhausted. I am looking forward to the end of this shift because according to my roster for next week, I have no shifts.

What was up with that? I asked for three days off next week and I was given seven! The reaction from the other chefs around the kitchen was either envy (eg. I wish I would be given a week off) or incredulity (eg. That's not fair, how can you get so much time off when we're working our arses off?).

Let's say the kitchens aren't that busy, then it makes sense that you cut out the casual cook ie. me. But wouldn't it make more sense to spread the slack around by letting some of your stressed out chefs take an extra day off instead of letting one guy get the whole week off?

Now let's say the kitchens are busy, that's why everyone's been pulling really long hours. So maybe I am being punished for asking for time off. Maybe they are trying to starve me of shifts.

Just before I was about to clock off, the exec sous chef (the #2 guy after the exec chef) says he wants to have a brief chat. I thought great, I can find out what was happening with my roster. In the office he tells me that it's not working out between the hotel and me, that I have been in the hotel for 3 months and that I have not improved to the level that is needed. I was thinking, I've been here exactly 2 months, and that I was starting to get the hang of things, I didn't say this. I simply said that I'm sorry you feel that way. Then he asked me if I wanted some feedback, I said of course. He then proceeded to explain that I don't work quick enough and that I am unable to organise myself well enough for the job, and that the main issue is productivity. They need someone who can pump out the food quickly and efficiently and I am not at that required level.

I was devastated, but I tried to explain that I admit I was struggling in the early days, but was under the impression that I was starting to get the hang of it at least in the past month. He just shook his head and said that, he was sorry but he wasn't going to give me any more shifts, and that it would do them a big favour if I just resigned.

Whoah! Do them a favour by resigning? Then I started to twig the political and procedural implications of me quitting the job. I've worked in a large corporationn before and I know that paperwork is a killer, particular when it came to terminating an employee. If I resigned, then the paperwork for him would be minimal, he could just write up that I wanted to leave and that was that. But if I refused to resign, he would have to write up a reason for terminating my employment, something that would hold up under scrutiny if I decided to make an issue of it.

In hindsight, perhaps the reason I was put on for twelve straight days is so that I can be setup for failure and the exec sous chef can use that as a reason to dismiss me.

Then he asked me what I was going to do now, would I continue being a chef or would I revert to my old profession? The way he said it made me feel like he was certain that he had broken me, that I was not cut out for this work, that maybe I should go back to the cubicle I crawled out from. I felt challenged. At that moment I decided I was going to be a chef even more.

I said good bye to him, shook his hand, and made no promises about resigning. But instead of clocking out, I headed to the banquet kitchen where I was working in earlier today and ask if they need any additional help maybe cleaning up. I spoke with a demi chef and a chef de partie and told them what just happened, they were sympathetic and suggested maybe I should take it up to human resources. I thanked them and told them I'd check my employment contract and see if I have a leg to stand on.

When I finished, another sous chef was on the floor so I said good night to him too, I expected a goodbye-forever handshake, I was expecting it, but all I got was a warm handshake and a thank you for my help today. Oh my god, he had no idea that the exec sous chef had already let me go. The exec sous chef had made that decision to cut me loose on his own -likely sanctioned by the exec chef, but the rest of the sous chefs didn't know.

I spoke to another junior chef and he was surprised as well, we both agreed I was the slowest chef in the kitchen, but it wasn't bad enough to be sacked for. Unfortunately, his opinion doesn't count, only the exec chef and the exec sous.

I've decided that I will take my week off and enjoy it. I have another month on my probationary period with the Sheraton, even if I never get another shift, I will not resign. For as long as I am on their books as a casual cook, there is a chance that one of the other sous chefs will find themselves in a bind and resort to calling me in to work. All it takes is one or two other chefs to call in sick and one of the sous chefs may get desperate enough to countermand the exec sous. I'm sure there is a lot of politics between the sous chefs and I am making myself available as a pawn to be used in their game. All I care about is to last the three months of my probationary period, it would look better in my resume.

You Have to Push Yourself

Pushing yourself seems to be the mantra of chefs, I hear it several times a day at work. Either directed at me or at someone else by someone more senior. And in my current position, everyone is more senior than me -even the 20 year old apprentice.

I've been almost two months at this job now and I am beginning to get a better picture of my roles. When I see my roster, it tells me when my shift is and where I should report. Mostly I've been in the production/runner role, followed by wok bar chef, and sometimes I'm a prep-chef at banqueting. Of all the roles, wok bar is where I feel most competent in, though my sous chefs may disagree. I get put on wok bar when the brasserie is not that busy -because when it is busy, they want somebody who is quicker and more experienced than me. But I'm cool with that, I like the slow days, I have time to chat to guests and distract them while it takes me ages to cook their food hahaha.

Today I met a lovely gentleman who was celebrating his 46th wedding anniversary. They've been married longer than I've been breathing. That blows me away, especially since I'm in love with Beatriz, my mind hit an imaginary fast-forward button and wondered if I could stay alive long enough to be with her for that long. I confess I wished that I would. But enough about that romantic sidetrack, I think what you really want to hear is stories about work. So here goes more.

Sometimes I really dread work because I feel so incompetent at things. When you get told a few times a day that you have to move faster, that you have to "push yourself", it starts to erode your confidence. Yet on the flip side, they keep putting me on shift. If I'm totally useless, then why do they insist on giving me shifts? At my previous job at About Life, they just stopped giving me shifts (and they weren't paying as much as the Sheraton).

Another sign that I think I'm improving is that I am now becoming aware of the politics at work. Is the head chef a good guy or a bad guy? Last Monday, I was ready to label him a bad guy, but today I was working alongside two young chefs and they were saying he was a hard working chef. So now I'm not so sure.

I'd just point to the evidence at hand. According to HR, we have 6 people leaving the kitchen in the space of one month. Since I started working there, there have been 2 other new kitchen staff to join the team. That still means that there is a shortfall of 3 from current staffing levels. But when you factor that the people leaving are quite senior, and the staff joining are very junior, the experience loss is quite evident.

What I'm seeing is the same as what I see in the white collar sector where the jobs that need doing are still the same, but the expectation is to accomplish the same level with less staff. Hence why you must push yourself, so that what used to take me one hour to do now takes me 30 minutes and I can do more. But when does it stop? I bet the Sous Chefs no longer push themselves.