Last month, I attended a professional development program called Speaker's Institute Boot Camp. It was a great 3 days of learning how to be a better communicator and influencer by being a better speaker. I also learned what my Clifton Strengths (TM) top 5 are; they're like your superpowers unique to you, or if you're familiar with D&D it's like learning what race and class you are and what are your special bonus features.
We all had our transformation, I discovered that I like speaking on stage and that I can be funny on stage. Plus Sam Cawthorne threw out a challenge to the class to get on the Melbourne Comedy festival. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I see my destiny laid out before me. First Open mic, then paid gigs, Sydney Comedy Festival, then Melbourne. I use my superpower of Intellection to ruminate about what's funny in our world, I enhance it with my powers of Connectedness to find even more strange twists and confluences that could be made funnier. My superpower of Input will allow me to absorb tons of material to feed into the maw of my giant Intellection factory farm. Cue evil laugh -Mwahahahahaaa!
First thing, I need to go to a few open mics just to check the state of the industry. Is my kind of funny accessible to contemporary audiences? I've been twice on a Monday, one Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. From all I have seen, I am encouraged that I can be funny enough if not funnier than the average.
I promised Sam I'll get on an open mic within 30 days of the Boot Camp, well folks. I'm now down to the last 7 days on that countdown. I will put my name down as many times as I can this week.
Starting tomorrow, I'll have a punt at the Louis Hotel in Lewisham. I am ready.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Back in the Game
Today was my first chef job in a long time. I'm a casual at a catering company and at a cafe, they pretty much call me to fill a gap in their staffing especially if they have a catering job. I like to call myself a chef as long as someone else is willing to pay me to do the job even if only occasionally. My quiet fear is that if I don't get to practice professional cooking then I might become rusty and be of less use than a first day apprentice.
However, today was special. I was looking forward to working for Chef Krys, my unwitting mentor, my former teacher at cooking school, who also runs his own catering business. It has been a long time since the last shift he's tossed my way, I wonder if his style has changed much. I was also nervous because I had a bit of a drama two days ago.
Over the past week, I've been feeling what I diagnosed as a "stiff neck". So meh? What do ya do? I soldiered on, the damned thing will go away on its own time. Last Sunday morning I had the shocking experience of feeling my head unsupported by my neck muscles as I was descending down the stairs on some errand. Every signal my brain asked of my neck muscles to please do its job was met with sharp jolting pain. The kind that I visualise as tiny electric sparks every time I try to tell my neck muscles to contract and hold my fuckin' head up. As it turns out, I managed to wobble down the stairs like a circus performer balancing a pole on his head with a ball at the tip. As soon as I was on level ground I used my hand to prop up my neck and made my way to the sofa so I can sit down, All this time I'm giving Beatriz a running account of what was happening to me like some demented radio sports commentator. As soon as I was seated I started to lean back on the sofa so as to brace my head and neck against the cushion and try to make sense of what just happened.
After trying to move my head on all axis to determine range of motion, I rediscovered that stiff neck I had been ignoring for the last couple of days. I felt around my neck and shoulders and found a hard knot of muscles just above my right scapula. Fuck! Sunday was gonna be a busy day and how the fuck can we get all those jobs done when I'm supposed to be the muscle? Beatriz is still recovering from knee surgery and still uses a crutch to get around, yet all I could think of was I just need a neck brace and I can get back to work and soldier on. Patch me up and send me back into battle, Sarge! I had a little giggle imagining the two of us showing up to class with her on crutches and me in a neck brace -people might think Salsa dancing is too dangerous?
Of course, Beatriz talks some sense into me, I sat on the sofa for a while and considered other options besides a neck brace. That's when I thought "What about Tuesday, I can't cook with one hand supporting my neck! Shit! Damn, I may have to cancel my shift - where's my phone? Aha here it is. AAAAGhhh! What the fuck! The mere movement of picking up my phone and looking at it sent pain signals that took me by surprise, yet led me to the most amazingly obvious conclusion: The reason I have the stiff neck in the first place is due to smartphone neck .
Now that I know what it is, I can treat it like any muscle strain. Rest and ice. By nighttime, I discovered I cannot lie down in the normal way which is to sit on the bed and lie back until horizontal. I had to support my neck and crawl on all fours before dropping one side to roll on my back. Took it easy yesterday and found it easier to lie down last night so I'm feeling ready to work today.
Except for all the heavy labour, I didn't look forward to that. During the first hour we transported 2 heavy ovens, 2 gas burners, gas bottles, all the food, giant pots and trays, gastronomes, crockery, glasses and cutlery. Halfway through carting 4 crates of heavy plates I was ready to doubt if I can actually last the rest of the shift. I remembered to take my ibuprofen and soldiered on.
My first job was to tray up all the chicken breasts, then Chef Krys got me to set up the two gas stoves outside the kitchen to cook the desert sauce and the mushroom sauce. Yes, I can do this! There was a bit of a lull as we await the go ahead to start sending out 285 hot meals. I was at the head of one pass: first the mash is spooned onto the plate, chicken goes on top, green veg arranged next to it before I get to nap sauce onto the dish and make sure the plate is clean before letting the waiters whisk it away. I was responsible for half of every plate that hit the tables.
As the service was winding to a close, I'm not usually expecting some freebie left-overs for take home, although I have worked for other outfits that do not mind if staff take home left-overs. It was still a shock when I was told to just throw out so much left-overs. I do get it, Chef has already chosen which left-overs to take home and salvage, the rest is waste. He employs contract staff for functions like this, so if one staff gets to take home, then all the staff should be allowed. Not good business to employ staff to squabble about how much left over they are allowed to take home. I get it.
I shed a tear as I binned the surplus mushroom sauce and dessert sauce. To help me take the edge off this yucky feeling, I chose to celebrate something else I did today that was not wasteful. I helped a couple of the waiters splash the left over drinking water from the jugs into the gardens and lawn.
Yes, I suppose I can still say I'm a chef. Now get off your screen and save your neck for chrissakes!
However, today was special. I was looking forward to working for Chef Krys, my unwitting mentor, my former teacher at cooking school, who also runs his own catering business. It has been a long time since the last shift he's tossed my way, I wonder if his style has changed much. I was also nervous because I had a bit of a drama two days ago.
Over the past week, I've been feeling what I diagnosed as a "stiff neck". So meh? What do ya do? I soldiered on, the damned thing will go away on its own time. Last Sunday morning I had the shocking experience of feeling my head unsupported by my neck muscles as I was descending down the stairs on some errand. Every signal my brain asked of my neck muscles to please do its job was met with sharp jolting pain. The kind that I visualise as tiny electric sparks every time I try to tell my neck muscles to contract and hold my fuckin' head up. As it turns out, I managed to wobble down the stairs like a circus performer balancing a pole on his head with a ball at the tip. As soon as I was on level ground I used my hand to prop up my neck and made my way to the sofa so I can sit down, All this time I'm giving Beatriz a running account of what was happening to me like some demented radio sports commentator. As soon as I was seated I started to lean back on the sofa so as to brace my head and neck against the cushion and try to make sense of what just happened.
After trying to move my head on all axis to determine range of motion, I rediscovered that stiff neck I had been ignoring for the last couple of days. I felt around my neck and shoulders and found a hard knot of muscles just above my right scapula. Fuck! Sunday was gonna be a busy day and how the fuck can we get all those jobs done when I'm supposed to be the muscle? Beatriz is still recovering from knee surgery and still uses a crutch to get around, yet all I could think of was I just need a neck brace and I can get back to work and soldier on. Patch me up and send me back into battle, Sarge! I had a little giggle imagining the two of us showing up to class with her on crutches and me in a neck brace -people might think Salsa dancing is too dangerous?
Of course, Beatriz talks some sense into me, I sat on the sofa for a while and considered other options besides a neck brace. That's when I thought "What about Tuesday, I can't cook with one hand supporting my neck! Shit! Damn, I may have to cancel my shift - where's my phone? Aha here it is. AAAAGhhh! What the fuck! The mere movement of picking up my phone and looking at it sent pain signals that took me by surprise, yet led me to the most amazingly obvious conclusion: The reason I have the stiff neck in the first place is due to smartphone neck .
Now that I know what it is, I can treat it like any muscle strain. Rest and ice. By nighttime, I discovered I cannot lie down in the normal way which is to sit on the bed and lie back until horizontal. I had to support my neck and crawl on all fours before dropping one side to roll on my back. Took it easy yesterday and found it easier to lie down last night so I'm feeling ready to work today.
Except for all the heavy labour, I didn't look forward to that. During the first hour we transported 2 heavy ovens, 2 gas burners, gas bottles, all the food, giant pots and trays, gastronomes, crockery, glasses and cutlery. Halfway through carting 4 crates of heavy plates I was ready to doubt if I can actually last the rest of the shift. I remembered to take my ibuprofen and soldiered on.
My first job was to tray up all the chicken breasts, then Chef Krys got me to set up the two gas stoves outside the kitchen to cook the desert sauce and the mushroom sauce. Yes, I can do this! There was a bit of a lull as we await the go ahead to start sending out 285 hot meals. I was at the head of one pass: first the mash is spooned onto the plate, chicken goes on top, green veg arranged next to it before I get to nap sauce onto the dish and make sure the plate is clean before letting the waiters whisk it away. I was responsible for half of every plate that hit the tables.
As the service was winding to a close, I'm not usually expecting some freebie left-overs for take home, although I have worked for other outfits that do not mind if staff take home left-overs. It was still a shock when I was told to just throw out so much left-overs. I do get it, Chef has already chosen which left-overs to take home and salvage, the rest is waste. He employs contract staff for functions like this, so if one staff gets to take home, then all the staff should be allowed. Not good business to employ staff to squabble about how much left over they are allowed to take home. I get it.
I shed a tear as I binned the surplus mushroom sauce and dessert sauce. To help me take the edge off this yucky feeling, I chose to celebrate something else I did today that was not wasteful. I helped a couple of the waiters splash the left over drinking water from the jugs into the gardens and lawn.
Yes, I suppose I can still say I'm a chef. Now get off your screen and save your neck for chrissakes!
Friday, May 4, 2018
Star Wars Day 2018
So today is May the 4th (Star Wars Day) and I feel like a Padawan catching a glimpse of the power of The Force.
Two weeks ago I had no idea that I would be cast in a film shoot for a government health campaign. Actually, a month ago I thought by today I would be caring for Beatriz as she recuperates from knee surgery. Due to a lingering throat infection, the surgery didn't happen. This made Beatriz available for an opportunity to be part of a TV commercial about healthy ageing.
The shoot went so well, that after dancing to only 5 salsa tracks, the director yelled cut and told the dancers we were done for the day. And just like that, the crew got up and started re-rigging the camera, lights and the set, preparing for the next shot on the list.
Feeling happy after a lucrative afternoon's work we were literally on our homeward drive when we stopped at the intersection awaiting the traffic lights. The plan was to turn right and head directly home via Marrickville Road. As I waited I noticed that some cars had queued up behind us also waiting to cross the intersection, I made a quick calculation looking at the bank of cars on the other side waiting to cross to our side. If I insist on turning right, no one else from my side of the intersection can get across on this phase of green, so I asked Beatriz if we can go straight to go home? She said yes, that will also get us on an alternate route home. As we weren't in any hurry, I decided to be kind to the motorists behind me and went straight ahead when lights turned green.
Because we were now on an alternate route, it led us through another suburb. which made us think of our dear friend Fred, who lived there, and we haven't seen for a while. We rang him, he was home, and we dropped in for a visit.
This is where it got real. Before leaving Fred, he asked us if we still gave clothing for the homeless, he had a few items he wanted to give away. Beatriz accepted it with the intention of passing it on to a particular homeless person she knew. Maybe the only homeless person I knew that she knew -a fellow named Luigi (not his real name). At the time, I was thinking we'd end up holding on to those clothes until next time we see Luigi. Do you know how hard it is to find a specific homeless person? Unlike wildlife migrations that are at least predictable, the homeless seem to move around all the time just to keep moving,
We spotted Luigi on our street corner as we arrived home, Beatriz called out to him.The Force had used us to conduct Fred's charity to Luigi.
Just to give you an inkling of how improbable the timing of this was, we were also stopped for police RBT (random breath test) on our way home. That must have added an extra 3 minutes to our regular journey. Also, we haven't seen Luigi in months, and frankly I wasn't sure if we'd ever see him again.
- If we were late by another 30 seconds we would have missed him entirely.
- If I insisted on turning right at Marrickville, we wouldn't have seen Fred.
I had this mental image of an impetuous Anakin casually stepping off a flying car only to land perfectly on another passing vehicle.
We let go of our plans, and The Force guided us along the rest of our day.
We let go of our plans, and The Force guided us along the rest of our day.
It kinda reminds me of the title of this blog.
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