Denouement

I was mistaken. Within a week I get a phone call from chef Joseph, but instead of the emergency shift I expected, he wanted me to come in and hand over my locker keys and name badge. I came in the following week intent on meeting up with Human Resources to let them know what was happening, I thought that they might be interested in how things are really run in the kitchen. It turns out they were just content to go with the official story as told by the kitchen management. It was very naive of me, of course that was what HR would do. They're not there for the benefit of the employees, they exist to protect the interests of the company. Instead of asking me what really happened, they just wanted to know if I had any questions about my termination. The last thing they wanted was to complicate matters in the kitchen if I had any grievances. By this time, I knew the battle was lost, I just thanked them for all the stuff I had learned and walked out of there.

I bumped into a few of the staff who asked me where I had been, I told them I was let go. they offered me words of comfort saying that I would be better off to be out of there anyway. And I did feel that way. This place was slowly killing me, they needed to break me so they can mold me into the automaton that showed up for work and did the job for as long as they want because I needed the job. The truth was, I didn't need the job like a lot of them did. I look at them that I leave behind and I can't help but think of them like victims in an abusive relationship. Willing to stay because at the end of the day, they just take their pay and get on with their lives as best they can. The happiest I have ever seen these people is at the end of their shift.

Later that evening I was back at the hotel bar to meet up with a friend visiting from the USA. The bar staff were kind enough to give us the staff discount on our drinks. It was quite amusing to be there as a customer, knowing what goes on behind the slick facade. I even spoke to chef Rick as he was busy topping up the buffet. He pretended to be busy, I realised that I pitied him as I was moving on with my life.


Speaking of which, that week I landed a gig working as an extra in the TV show Rescue Special Ops, a catering gig with Buffets Galore, and a new Ka Huna massage client. I really trust that the universe is reassuring me that things are working out for the best.

Thus ends my brief but intense relationship with Sheraton on the Park.

The Hammer Falls

This was the 12th day I've been working since my last day off, one can say that my last day off was nearly two weeks ago. And I am exhausted. I am looking forward to the end of this shift because according to my roster for next week, I have no shifts.

What was up with that? I asked for three days off next week and I was given seven! The reaction from the other chefs around the kitchen was either envy (eg. I wish I would be given a week off) or incredulity (eg. That's not fair, how can you get so much time off when we're working our arses off?).

Let's say the kitchens aren't that busy, then it makes sense that you cut out the casual cook ie. me. But wouldn't it make more sense to spread the slack around by letting some of your stressed out chefs take an extra day off instead of letting one guy get the whole week off?

Now let's say the kitchens are busy, that's why everyone's been pulling really long hours. So maybe I am being punished for asking for time off. Maybe they are trying to starve me of shifts.

Just before I was about to clock off, the exec sous chef (the #2 guy after the exec chef) says he wants to have a brief chat. I thought great, I can find out what was happening with my roster. In the office he tells me that it's not working out between the hotel and me, that I have been in the hotel for 3 months and that I have not improved to the level that is needed. I was thinking, I've been here exactly 2 months, and that I was starting to get the hang of things, I didn't say this. I simply said that I'm sorry you feel that way. Then he asked me if I wanted some feedback, I said of course. He then proceeded to explain that I don't work quick enough and that I am unable to organise myself well enough for the job, and that the main issue is productivity. They need someone who can pump out the food quickly and efficiently and I am not at that required level.

I was devastated, but I tried to explain that I admit I was struggling in the early days, but was under the impression that I was starting to get the hang of it at least in the past month. He just shook his head and said that, he was sorry but he wasn't going to give me any more shifts, and that it would do them a big favour if I just resigned.

Whoah! Do them a favour by resigning? Then I started to twig the political and procedural implications of me quitting the job. I've worked in a large corporationn before and I know that paperwork is a killer, particular when it came to terminating an employee. If I resigned, then the paperwork for him would be minimal, he could just write up that I wanted to leave and that was that. But if I refused to resign, he would have to write up a reason for terminating my employment, something that would hold up under scrutiny if I decided to make an issue of it.

In hindsight, perhaps the reason I was put on for twelve straight days is so that I can be setup for failure and the exec sous chef can use that as a reason to dismiss me.

Then he asked me what I was going to do now, would I continue being a chef or would I revert to my old profession? The way he said it made me feel like he was certain that he had broken me, that I was not cut out for this work, that maybe I should go back to the cubicle I crawled out from. I felt challenged. At that moment I decided I was going to be a chef even more.

I said good bye to him, shook his hand, and made no promises about resigning. But instead of clocking out, I headed to the banquet kitchen where I was working in earlier today and ask if they need any additional help maybe cleaning up. I spoke with a demi chef and a chef de partie and told them what just happened, they were sympathetic and suggested maybe I should take it up to human resources. I thanked them and told them I'd check my employment contract and see if I have a leg to stand on.

When I finished, another sous chef was on the floor so I said good night to him too, I expected a goodbye-forever handshake, I was expecting it, but all I got was a warm handshake and a thank you for my help today. Oh my god, he had no idea that the exec sous chef had already let me go. The exec sous chef had made that decision to cut me loose on his own -likely sanctioned by the exec chef, but the rest of the sous chefs didn't know.

I spoke to another junior chef and he was surprised as well, we both agreed I was the slowest chef in the kitchen, but it wasn't bad enough to be sacked for. Unfortunately, his opinion doesn't count, only the exec chef and the exec sous.

I've decided that I will take my week off and enjoy it. I have another month on my probationary period with the Sheraton, even if I never get another shift, I will not resign. For as long as I am on their books as a casual cook, there is a chance that one of the other sous chefs will find themselves in a bind and resort to calling me in to work. All it takes is one or two other chefs to call in sick and one of the sous chefs may get desperate enough to countermand the exec sous. I'm sure there is a lot of politics between the sous chefs and I am making myself available as a pawn to be used in their game. All I care about is to last the three months of my probationary period, it would look better in my resume.

You Have to Push Yourself

Pushing yourself seems to be the mantra of chefs, I hear it several times a day at work. Either directed at me or at someone else by someone more senior. And in my current position, everyone is more senior than me -even the 20 year old apprentice.

I've been almost two months at this job now and I am beginning to get a better picture of my roles. When I see my roster, it tells me when my shift is and where I should report. Mostly I've been in the production/runner role, followed by wok bar chef, and sometimes I'm a prep-chef at banqueting. Of all the roles, wok bar is where I feel most competent in, though my sous chefs may disagree. I get put on wok bar when the brasserie is not that busy -because when it is busy, they want somebody who is quicker and more experienced than me. But I'm cool with that, I like the slow days, I have time to chat to guests and distract them while it takes me ages to cook their food hahaha.

Today I met a lovely gentleman who was celebrating his 46th wedding anniversary. They've been married longer than I've been breathing. That blows me away, especially since I'm in love with Beatriz, my mind hit an imaginary fast-forward button and wondered if I could stay alive long enough to be with her for that long. I confess I wished that I would. But enough about that romantic sidetrack, I think what you really want to hear is stories about work. So here goes more.

Sometimes I really dread work because I feel so incompetent at things. When you get told a few times a day that you have to move faster, that you have to "push yourself", it starts to erode your confidence. Yet on the flip side, they keep putting me on shift. If I'm totally useless, then why do they insist on giving me shifts? At my previous job at About Life, they just stopped giving me shifts (and they weren't paying as much as the Sheraton).

Another sign that I think I'm improving is that I am now becoming aware of the politics at work. Is the head chef a good guy or a bad guy? Last Monday, I was ready to label him a bad guy, but today I was working alongside two young chefs and they were saying he was a hard working chef. So now I'm not so sure.

I'd just point to the evidence at hand. According to HR, we have 6 people leaving the kitchen in the space of one month. Since I started working there, there have been 2 other new kitchen staff to join the team. That still means that there is a shortfall of 3 from current staffing levels. But when you factor that the people leaving are quite senior, and the staff joining are very junior, the experience loss is quite evident.

What I'm seeing is the same as what I see in the white collar sector where the jobs that need doing are still the same, but the expectation is to accomplish the same level with less staff. Hence why you must push yourself, so that what used to take me one hour to do now takes me 30 minutes and I can do more. But when does it stop? I bet the Sous Chefs no longer push themselves.

Eight and Nine days since last day off

Today was going to be an awesome day, I was starting to get a grip on things. Everything was going alright until midway through the breakfast service I started to feel aches and pains in my body. My trapezius muscles were protesting any movement I make. My ability to focus was impaired.

Commis [Paul] asked me if I was okay with a very concerned look. I told him I was just really physically tired from not having a day off in over a week. He suggested caffeine, I politely refused, I would try and tough it out for as long as I could.

Which wasn't really all that long, when the breakfast service finished, I checked the lunch bookings: 16 guests, so I then went and asked Sous chef (Sanjoy) if I could be sent home early since I was feeling crook and it won't be that busy anyway. He said yes, just finish some of this prep and you can go at 12:30. I was almost finished with the prep when Sous Sanjoy disappeared just as Executive Sous Joseph came in. Exec Sous gave me some more jobs to do so I kept doing them. Then Sous Sanjoy came by and asked why I was still here, I said Joseph gave me more jobs to do. Well then go home when you finish what you were doing. I got out of there at 1:30PM.

I went to the doctors and got myself a certificate saying I had a viral infection, and doctors advise saying I should stand up for myself and not accept such long rosters. I got home, popped a gram of paracetamol and slept. Then I got up to go visit at Bea's place when I discovered I couldn't find my keys. How could that be? I used those keys to get home and get my sleep. After a half hour of panicked searching, I gave up and visited Bea. I didn't want to lose precious Beatime in a futile search.

The ninth day (Thursday), the final day before I get my first day off in 9 days, I got to work and tried to discover the process for lost locker keys. I'm sure it happens all the time. Apparently the procedure is designed to make you hate losing your keys. I have to find the hotel duty manager, who has the master keys, to open and lock my locker for me. This is just so clever because all this time you feel like you're wasting someone else's time because of your carelessness. I got in to the kitchen 14 minutes later, Sanjoy chewed me out for being late. In the process I found out how to let the kitchen know if I wasn't gonna make it on time. They were having kittens wondering how they would be able to handle the 400+ breakfast service one hand short. Even after Sanjoy chewed me out, I got the sense they were relieved I was on board for the breakfast service.

Commis Paul and I shared a moment when he told me he admired what I was doing. He said not many people your age are willing to try something different.

Getting Traction

This is my third week at the Sheraton and I'm starting to feel like I'm finally getting traction with this job. The last few days have been a struggle because I'm being torn with a few conflicting things about this job.

When I am on wok bar, I have to set up and do breakfast and lunch service. I officially start at 6:30AM (hence the 04:25AM wake up to catch the 5:02AM train to get to work by 6AM. As soon as I get there I have to get my station ready for making omelettes, poached and fried eggs. First customer walks in at 6:30AM and I have to be ready.

A couple of cool things happened at the breakfast service today. There's this asian chick who looked so familiar asking me for poached eggs. Then it hit me who she was so I just blurted out "Oh, Natalie ... ahhh youtuber ... ummm what can I get for you?" Thee was a queue of about 4 people waiting for their omelettes, so I was so busy I couldn't introduce myself properly or have a photo taken with Natalie http://www.youtube.com/user/communitychannel. Then when I fished out her poached eggs, one of the yolks had broken. I offered to make her another one, but she just said that "It all goes down to the same place anyway." And then took her broken poached eggs with her. Bloody typical, we had Lady Gaga staying at the hotel, but did I ever get to serve her? Instead, it's this other semi-celebrity. It felt really weird that I know so much about her (due to her VLOGS) and yet she knows nothing of me, I'm not even young enough to be in her audience demography (ie. 15-25). I just begged her to please not vlog about the poached egg I had ruined for her.

The second cool thing was this older english gentlemen and he tells me I make the best omelettes. It feels great to be appreciated.

The best part of the day was finishing my prep at 4:08PM, I was only nearly an hour overtime, I usually spend at least 2 hours chopping and dicing. I'm slowly getting things right, and that is fuckin' awsome!

Shout to the world

I am in love. I mean, really in love. With the woman of my dreams. I can't believe how perfect my life is. I am pursuing my dreams, taking the craziest chance, like an explorer on a one way journey.

I've been on a few of these self-help workshops and seminars, where they tell you that you can have what you want. All you have to do is believe that you deserve the very best. I had always thought that it was easier to say than to make happen. However, I can now unequivocally say that it does work.

I am a fledgling chef in a major hotel, getting the apprenticeship that I had not had the opportunity to obtain. It's not without great challenges. At 4:25AM I am constantly asking myself why am I doing this? Yet my response is always, because it is your dream. If you hate it so much, then give up. But I don't. I love it. Even the moments when it seems like it's getting a little bit too hard.

And then I remember that I have the love of a beautiful woman who stands behind me, supporting my dreams. And sharing hers. I am unstoppable. I can be slowed down, but nothing can stop me achieving my dreams.

I just want to shout to the world that I am utterly, totally, completely in love with you, Beatriz. You are my ultimate dream.

On Training Wheels

Monday I had the worst day at work yet. I was being trained for a new station -the wok bar. During breakfast buffet, this is where the guests come to get freshly made omelettes, poached or fried eggs. In my previous life, I would always take advantage of this feature if it was available in a hotel I was staying at. Anyway, I thought, piece of cake, I know how to make omelettes, fry, and poach an egg. Piece of cake, so I thought.

Another casual chef has been looking after this section for months, let's call her Sweetie Pie, because she's so sweet to the guests, and they love her. She was given the task of training me over the next three days on this station, after which the training wheels come off. Initially she was very sweet and helpful, but every time I make a mistake, the sweetness turns into acid in a fraction of a second. From my perspective, the mistakes were due to miscommunication, I felt I was doing what she asked me. From her perspective, she feels I failed to listen. She would initially allow me to start doing things, and then get frustrated because I was doing it wrong or not to the proper standard and then take over. She was a total control freak, but when I had a chance to think about it, it was understandable. She was responsible to for the job and she couldn't allow me to screw it up for her.

I also learned there were a few VIPs that we had to look after. There's the hotel's Managing Director who likes his omelette a particular way, and there is this high powered couple who are long term guests, he has a special bowl of mixed berries prepared for him, and she likes an egg white omelette cooked with no oil. On this day, Sweetie Pie makes the MD's special omelette and was pretty proud of it. The executive chef later came back and showed us a piece of plastic that was in the omelette. She was mortified, it's never happened before, and to have it happen to the biggest VIP in the hotel, essentially, the one man who can get her fired, I could see her hurting.

This whole business of VIPs makes me feel like I am somehow an inferior and less important being. But reflecting upon it now, why would it matter to me that other people believe they are more important than me? I get paid to do my job, and that includes showing respect to these VIPs. If I wasn't in the job, they are just ordinary people. So while I have my uniform on, it's yes sir, whatever you want sir, right away sir. Really not much different from my old office job eh?

At the end of the day, Sweetie Pie had a conversation and I took on board that I should listen first before jumping in and doing the wrong thing.

We reset on Tuesday morning, the sous chef spoke to her and told her he wants to see me making omelettes. The sous chef sent her off on other jobs and then came to my station and asked me to make a ham tomato cheese omelette and another with just mushroom. I was nervous as hell, but I fired up the two pans and simultaneously cooked two omelettes. When I finished he then started explaining technical things to me about the subtleties of making omelettes. About the pan, about the flame, really in detail. Things I never thought about but made absolute sense. Then he demonstrated and I compared his thick fluffy omelette to my heavy one. Armed with new knowledge, he asked me to make another one, it was better. He said I should practice when it is not too busy, then left me on my own for a while.

Guests came over and I was making breakfast eggs left right and centre. I was cooking! Who knew there was so much to know about making the humble omelette?