Wellness Challenge

 I want to make this more positive so I will avoid using words that are of a negative association. So instead of saying I am sick, I will say I am having health issues.  Over the last 5 months I have had some wellness challenges.  First, I had a flare up with a slipped disc on my lower back when I was working a weekend stint. Then a couple of months ago I had an issue with my wrist tendon, also when I was doing a weekend.  Then over the last 3 weeks I have had abdominal pains at work.  On a few occasions I was in so much pain all I could do was curl up into a ball and shake waiting, no praying for it to pass.  Which eventually it does fade into a dull discomfort enough for me to resume work.

I chalked it up to work stress and came to the realisation that I was also depressed from missing out on time with my daughters.  I made a choice then that I had to find a job that allows me to see my children instead of limiting it.  I felt  a weight lift off my shoulders as soon as I made this decision.  So I tell my boss that though I'm not quitting yet, he should know that I am starting to look for a more family friendly roster kind of job.  I wasn't feeling so stressed anymore.

I still ended up presenting at hospital emergency with severe abdominal pain - on my day off no less. After 3 days of being processed through the public health system,  it seems I have gallstones as well as anaemia.  I still need to see a specialist for additional exploratory procedures and treatment.

All my life I have never been ill enough to warrant going to hospital.  Injuries yes, but never my body succumbing to sickness.  I may be looking at an endoscopy and a colonoscopy.  So far, these can be day procedures, so hopefully I never have to spend the night in hospital.  For that I am grateful.  

ps. I called my boss to update him and he was very supportive. He said "You look after you."

Building Cathedrals

Entering a cathedral brings out a sense of awe and wonder as the sheer scale of the edifice and it's hushed solemn atmosphere, mixed with faint smells of candles and incense overwhelms my senses.  These magnificent structures would have taken up to a century to finish, requiring multiple generations of workmen and craftsmen.  Apprentices who worked with their masters at the start have become masters themselves and trained the apprentices who will someday train the future masters who may see the Cathedral finished.  Our short human lives do not limit the scale of what human imagination can conceive, plan, and execute. 

I sometimes look at parenting as the Cathedral projects accessible to most people.  We are the masters at the start and our children are the apprentices who become masters once they are capable of having their own children. At the start we are heavily involved in their day to day lives, and as they move on to pre-school we let them make their own way a little at a time.  By the time they are in high school we spend even less time with them as they explore the world with their peers.  It is such a privilege to be witness and co-builder with our children, our time with them is ephemeral.  Unless for tragic circumstances, we parents will only be part of their beginning but we can never know how their life story ends. 

At the moment I find it hard to remain a relevant part of their life.  Let me rephrase that - I am attached to the notion that I should be part of their daily lives.  I am not making daily memories with them,  if I'm lucky I get to make fortnightly ones depending on how my work rosters me on.  I'm less of a co-builder and relegated to being witness and occasional companion.

I was involved in their foundation digging, but every day I do not spend time with them, another layer of masonry is being added. When I do see them again, there might be a column or a an arch that wasn't there the last time I saw them, though thankfully still recognisable.  Soon, the bell towers and stained glass windows will be too high for me to reach and they will have to be installed by my former apprentices with the help of the co-builders of their choosing.

Whew we made it!

 Welcome to 2021!  Where everything is pretty much the same as it was last month, except somehow there is a lot more hope and optimism.  Let's be honest, 2020 is the suckiest year of all our petty collective lives so it's a pretty low bar to clear for 2021.

I like attending personal development courses when I can, and on one of those -can't remember which, I picked up this parable about a prisoner on death row awaiting execution.  On the scheduled date, he was served his lunch.  It was as he imagined it.   A one inch thick pork chop, marinated and grilled with boiled baby potatoes, white wine braised cabbages, and a puree of beetroot. The warden started to say "Please enjoy your last meal-"  

"PLEASE. Just let me enjoy the rest of my time in silence."  The warden fixed him with a pained stare, and after a brief pause quietly retreated to respect his wishes.

As the prisoner ate his meal, he found he still couldn't enjoy it. He was looking forward to this meal but after this, there was nothing left to look forward to. About halfway through his meal, the warden noticed his darkening mood and decided now would be the best time to tell him.

"-IN PRISON. Ehem, what I was trying to tell you sir was that, this is your last meal in prison.  You have been pardoned. The governor's call came in after we had prepared your meal so I decided to serve it anyway and tell you but you wouldn't let me. "  The warden let that sink in before walking away,

"You are free to leave as soon as you finish dessert." 

The second half of his meal tasted nothing like the first half.  All the flavours and all the textures and smells were so intensely delicious.  Yet  it was still the same meal  served in the same prison cell.

2021 did not shape up to how I planned, but it turned into something better.  The plan was to visit friends on an interstate trip. But then the Avalon cluster happened then borders slammed shut.  Instead, we just road-tripped within the state and that worked out really well. 

On the last road trip, we had a tyre blow out, it was an inconvenience but more importantly an adventure.  My young daughters were incredulous that I had the skills to swap a spare.  To be honest I've been road-tripping for four decades and have changed my fair share of flat tyres in exotic places such as  halfway to Madrid from Barcelona.  The hassle was to have to  buy a pair of new tyres.  

And then after dropping off the kids, I had more car drama.  I was accelerating at the lights when I heard a WHOMP and then steam started pouring out of the bonnet.  Uh-oh, that's not good.  I pulled over and popped the bonnet for a look.  There was green fluorescent coolant all over the engine bay and underneath was a growing pool like blood from a trauma wound.  It was 430PM and I was able to nurse the car for over a kilometre to the closest mechanics.  I was lucky to find a sympathetic mechanic who stopped what he was working on and spent the last half hour of his work day getting me back on the road.  Divina Black was patched up but would not be reliable enough to make it back up the mountains. 

We instead took refuge with my kumpare and kumadre in Sydney where we spent the night.  It was a great chance to catch up and spend quality time together.

In the morning I took Divina Black to Nick my mechanic.  Lucky I'm still on holidays, the radiator needed replacing. So I left it with Subytech and decided to make my way back home via public transport wearing my mask.  The last bit was a 30 minute walk from the station through occasional fog and sprinkle.  But whew I made it home before noon.

The kicker was that I got a call that the car was ready to be picked up tomorrow.  So tomorrow I get to go back on public transport with a half hour hike included.  

Sometimes, things don't work out like I imagined, but if I treat each happenstance like an adventure it always works out for the best.

Settling In

 What a crazy month for me.  Today I handed back my keys to the house that was my former residence.  I spent all morning cleaning it and mowing the grass, well mostly weeds but they look like grass, let's call them grass, it's the ;pretty green stuff next to the house. I reckon the house is in better condition now than when I moved in. 

Then at work, I took a break from cleaning and got cooking.  Oh wait, why am I still cleaning stuff? Well what they don't tell you about professional cookery is that cleaning is a large part of the job.  Anyway today I pretty much cooked 5 out of 6 dishes on the menu. I'm pretty proud of that, granted one of the dishes was plain rice.  

I got home and there was a pile of dishes from my brekkie and lunch before I had to rush to work. Morning Michael had deferred the task to Evening Michael who is already tired from a full day of, yes I realised it, fucking cleaning.

I am most grateful to my best friend Lindy for helping me move.  Between the two of us we shifted 90% of my possessions over 5 or 6 car trips on the same day that I got the keys to the new place.  In fact, our cars were already loaded when we drove to the agent to collect  the keys. I'm very lucky to have such a friend. Thank you Lindy.

I looked at the refrigerator and thought hmm I think I am capable of moving this by myself. With the help of the trolley. After I had cleaned it first. That left the sofa bed as the last and most awkward piece of furniture. Again I am blessed with generous people around me, David from work offered to help me move the sofa with his muscles and his ute. I considered maybe I could transport it on the roof of my Subaru Outback, I'm glad I didn't try. It was hard enough with two men lifting it onto the back of a ute because of it's sheer size and weight,  It was no picnic either when we got to the new place, unsuccessfully we tried a few different ways to get it through the front door, In the end, we were able to get it in via the back door. But fuck that was hard. Thank you David. 

And here I am now. In my new home. A new start.  Oh what new memories can we make.

Moving Again!?

 Just when I thought I'm settled im, just like that I am not.  The house I'm renting has been sold and the new owners want to move in, so I'm out house hunting again. Such a hassle, I moved in with a few items and over the last eleven months I have accumulated extra furniture and other objects.

I took a couple of days to process it when I received the notice of termination of lease. I made a 3 part plan:

1. hunt for a house

2. pack this house

3/ move to the new house

That weekend I went to a couple of advertised property inspections.  I nearly applied for the first one but I thought better of it. Somehow my mathematical brain thinks choosing the first one is sub-optimal, I mean who's to say that the next ones aren't going to be better than this first one.  So I considered it as a baseline and moved on. After  the second inspection, I realised that ease of moving was also going to be a factor, so narrow passages, steep hills, stairs, etc. are going to be a problem. 

Two properties in one weekend, This is not good. I have 25 days to secure a new domicile and at this rate I may not find anything suitable in time. So the next morning, before my shift, I made a list of 10 properties that I will look at from the street and gather as much info as I can. This is also handy as I can get a feel for the neighbourhood by actually standing there.

I covered 50 kms up and down the mountain.  I got to 8 properties on my list before I had to disengage and go to work.  I was starting to feel panicky about my choices. The ones I really liked were significantly more expensive than my current place. It would be an extra 100 or so dollars  week, I'm almost sorry I quit smoking years ago, because if I was smoking a couple of packs a week, I would just quit and voila  I have an extra 100 bucks from the cigs I stopped buying.

I did find a place, I'm moving in a week's time. It's 40 bucks a week dearer, but hey it could have been worse.

Now time to work on the next 2 steps of the plan.  Wish me luck, or even better, help me fucking move if you're free.

It's been a year, well nearly

 About a year ago I started envisioning my new life in my new job in the mountains. It was a crazy dream back then, but do mind, at that time I was in the middle of my dark trifecta (jobless, homeless, and broke).  When this job opportunity came up, it was too good to be true. I had to talk myself into dreaming this new life. If I get the job my life would be so much better, When I get this dream job, it would be amazing. B-but what if I don't get the job? I'll worry about that after it happens, but I should just allow myself to dream.

A lot's happened in a year. This year 2020 akk! Bushfires, floods, the COVID-19 pandemic, and as I type this -the world awaits what kind of America will we have for the next 4 years.

At Hogwarts, we've come a long way back from the days of lockdown. Students have a buffet breakfast, lunch, and dinner -take away or dine in (social distanced of course). Fine dining has returned for restricted sittings Wednesday and Thursday evenings.  Cafe is also now opening week nights as well as the bar.

It's as close to normal as we have ever been since the pandemic broke out. I am so grateful we are in this position. 

Practical Yoga

 Eleven years ago while on a massage retreat in Queensland I was told we would also do practical yoga. At first I thought yeah bonus!  Then they handed me a broom.  Practical yoga was housekeeping chores. I thought it was hilarious,  And I still chuckle to myself as I go about my present day household chores. Somehow works better when I re-frame drudgery as mindfulness.  The job gets done and I get to stroke my spirituality cock.

Today my attention came to the pile of dust and dust-bunnies I have swept from all over the house.  In my culture throwing out the sweepings is superstitiously viewed as throwing luck out the door.  What I haven't considered until now is that the word used is discarding one's "suerte" which means luck in spanish. In my native Tagalog, suerte is implied good luck; malas is the word for bad luck -which is a truncation of the spanish mala suerte (bad luck).  

Hmmm, what I have inferred is that the superstition was not specific about what sort of luck I will be throwing out. So I'm a gonna bet on the side that I am throwing out all the bad luck from my home. 

This is my life. I get to write (and rewrite) as I wish. 

All that from a sesh of practical yoga.