Home Alone

 No, not the movie. I mean literally.

Typing this blog.

On Christmas Day 2025.

I've never had nowhere to be but with family in all the past 59  Christmases of my life.  And  I find myself reflecting on what Christmas meant for me over the long stretch of one's lifetime. 

As a typical Filipino kid it was magical. Seasonal decor, seasonal music, and religious traditions all coming to a crescendo of feasting and gift giving.  For a kid it was mostly the eating and the receiving, but nevertheless, Hallelujah! Our saviour was born! 

Later on, as we cross into puberty, the early dawn mass turned into a convenient opportunity to check out one's crush.  Maybe put some product on your hair, a favourite t-shirt or pendant, and perhaps if one was bold enough, start a conversation with a totally timely Christmas greeting.  The Christmas haul at this age has moved from toys to fashion.  The problem arises when your favourite Tita's idea of what would look great on you and what you think is going to impress the opposite sex are non-intersecting circles of a Venn diagram.

Christmas caroling was a tradition I also experienced.  My friends and I would, on a whim, decide to go house to house and sing Christmas carols until someone gives us a few coins so we can move on and entertain the next house.  We would stop once we had enough money to cover a round of snacks.

 As a young man with emerging means, I too wanted to give Christmas gifts, of course starting with family.  For me it was proof that I had "grown up" and a grown man was expected to give more than receive. Just giving to my family was a net zero as we just exchanged presents.  To man up I widened my circle of gift giving, by adding to my Christmas list the people who were special to me: friends, mentors, colleagues, some romantic possibilities and business partners. 

It was at this point that I felt a transactional aspect to Christmas. Some people made it to my list when I received a present from them.  It would be mean not to reciprocate.  Some people dropped of the list due to natural causes: former colleagues, former lovers, or someone moves to another country.  The Christmas list begun as a way to flex, it was morphing into a chore.

Becoming a parent brought a refreshing touch up to my sadly tarnished spirit of Christmas joy. It was the 90s and we had just moved to Australia.  We were a young professional couple with disposable income.  We could buy our only daughter anything short of an actual pony.  Not to compare with how over-the-top this century's competitive Christmas decorations have become, but for that one time we decorated our tree with all the trimmings we wish we had and then layered more on top of that. 

My friend Jojo brought his family to Australia a couple of years after us. We were the closest thing to family we had here. We became family and we celebrated every Noche Buena together since.  Our daughters grew up together like siblings nobody asked for. We're proud of them all.

Christmas shopping was a retail orgy we all participated in. At first it was all fun and exhilarating to work our way down that Christmas list. Oh look what I found! This would be perfect for ___.  And the price is under budget too.  As the number of shopping days before Christmas count down, the selection criteria for thoughtful gifts start to widen out, eventually coming down to I ran out of time and/or budget so this is  your present.  Merry Christmas.

That's when we begun to accumulate unwanted presents -which we henceforth euphemistically refer to as surplus.  Now what are we gonna do with all this surplus?  Pass it to someone else?  On your Christmas list? Re-gifting was a quiet little trend we all did. It wasn't perfect, there's a risk of committing a faux pas by accidentally re-gifting it back to the original donor next Christmas.

Life goes on.  Marriages end.  New partnerships and new families are created.  Our daughter is now an adult. My new partner and I  have two young children to raise.  Now, my Christmas eve traditions have to be shared with my children's Uruguayan family.  For several Christmases, we would do half in Smithfield, then bundle the kids and their presents in the car and drive to Carlingford for the other half.  There was probably over sixty people I shared Christmas eve with across both gatherings. 

There was even a couple of years when we had a costume theme for Noche Buena. It was fun until it was a struggle to figure out what costume to wear  and it was now an unwelcome extra chore.  So we just stopped.

Now having separated again, we simply took alternate turns with  the kids. The simultaneous celebrations continue but the kids do Smithfield one year and then Carlingford the next. I admit missing Smithfield.  This year they are with their mother.

But what do I usually do on actual Christmas day?  Back in the Philippines, we would probably be visiting relatives and god-parents.  In the 1990s, we used to go to Tita Gina's house for a very Aussie Christmas lunch with Mrs. Thomson.  Last year I went to Kuya Eddie's house where other Pinoy families are welcome to celebrate as we used to in the old country.  I could have gone there today.

Instead I am home alone. 

I don't know if I'd make a habit of it, but I chose it. 

Merry Christmas!

 

Bucket lists and letting go

 These days when people mention bucket list it's more like a list of experiences that with enough time and money may be ticked off one by one.  I was in university when I came up with my bucket list. In a conversation with Marie Grace she said to me that there are only two guaranteed  ways to be remembered even after we are dead. One is to have a child, the other was to write a book. Those would be good on my bucket list. So over the conversation I arrived at my bucket list in no particular order:

• have [and raise] a child
• write a book
• learn to fly a plane
• learn to scuba dive
• learn to ride a horse
• travel the world
• climb a mountain
• learn a new language
• learn to dance
• learn to sail

Over the decades I have ticked off all but two*.  I noticed that it was skills and accomplishments that are on the list. I logged over 30 hours flying a Beechcraft Skipper, 12 of them solo. I was satisfied that I had accomplished what I set out to do. Also, maintaining a pilots license current wouldn't be cheap and I had more to do yet.  So I traded my David Clark flex boom headset with gel-filled earseals for a Shoei racing helmet (I needed one to go on the track with my WRX).  My flying days are behind me and I was okay with that.

Today I parted with my Cressi BCD, Mares regulator and occy and  Oceanic Dive computer. My diving days are behind me.  I must have done over 50 dives, filled up two logbooks, never bothered to buy the third. I am satisfied that I have met this achievement.  Besides, I could always hire gear when I go again. Having my personal gear was nice but not essential. It was time to let them go to a new adventurer for fresh adventures. Now I feel so much lighter.

The thing is, earlier in my life as I was scything my way through the bucket list, the thought occurred to me.  Why not just keep adding to the list?  It was a young man who came up with the list while goo-goo eyed over some co-ed. He thought 10 was a good number (digits, toes, commandments, etc.)  and seemed achievable in a lifetime. In the end I decided against topping up the list as it felt like cheating,  and potentially the hard ones will get skipped over in favour of easier ones.  

However, if we accomplish all, we can certainly come up with a new list. 

There's some stuff I've hung on to like my parka and snow pants, because I don't ever want to hire those. Snowboarding wasn't even on the list, but that didn't stop me trying it anyway.  There's a heap of stuff I could have added to the list, but never got the chance.  Doing hot laps at Oran Park and Eastern Creek would have snuck in, being in a feature film with a speaking role, being a chef, etc. 

That young man was limited. He'd be blown away with what we've accomplished thus far, as well as laugh at what we've fucked up. It would be nicer if I could tell him we've done it all as well as the bonus achievements**.

*It's down to becoming an author and a horse rider. 

 **Might have to explain that to someone from 1984.

America I See You

 A gloved fist knocks on the door. 

"Federal agents, open the door."

Someone opens the door and sees a group of men in black combat fatigues with the letters ICE emblazoned front and back. 

"We're just here to check on your documentation and all who reside on the premises".

We firmly assure you there are no Jews I mean  undocumented migrants hiding in the cellar.

So do we all believe what's happening today?  We are going through the biggest upheaval in geopolitics since an actual global war. And that was settled with nukes!

After six years of world war fought brutally over land, air, and sea that saw millions die,  America stood over the humbled Japanese and said "Who's next?  Who else wants to challenge America?"  

Apparently, there were a few takers like Cuba, Vietnam, and Libya just to name a few. 

For the next seventy years though, big strong America has your back -as long as you let them in to do business.

If you didn't?  Well, you must be communist and don't believe in capitalism.  Maybe we need to be talking to someone else. Hey CIA, get us a more pro-American, I mean pro-business president for this shithole country.  

That was fine.  At least America got to observe and approvingly declare that it witnessed a fair and free election. And America gets to talk to someone more pro-business, I mean pro-freedom. Isn't that the same thing anyway?

Business as usual until 2016 when the Americans elected a TV star as president (with significant meddling from the Russians).  They voted him out in 2020, which he tried and failed to insurrect.  But  then in 2024 they elected a convicted felon and sex offender. TV star and also former President, but with an even more impressive resume which now includes porn-star fucker and insurrectionist.

So the Americans decided to give Donnie another shot at it because, uhm life was better four years ago? I mean what can be more American than being given a second chance?   

Maybe this time he'll come through for us and we won't be conned.  

You gotta believe me.

These are my documents!  You gotta believe me Mr ICE officer, sir.

Which dystopia are we living in now?

The international community is aghast at the realisation that , NO, America hasn't got your back. 

America wants your land, your minerals, and access to your markets but tariffs your products. America is in it for America only.

You cannot trust Uncle Sam anymore,  he will take your wallet, side with your enemies, and deny you protection.  

Our dystopia wasn't created by robots, zombies, or aliens.

Turns out it's Nazis.  Who would've  guessed?

ps. And I give credit to my graphics team at Leonardo.Ai for their images above using the prompt "a dishevelled but defiant Uncle Sam on the foreground with a flaming desert backdrop showing smoking ruins in the horizon" Wouldn't  let me use mushroom clouds as the AI guardrails won't allow depictions of violence, and I wholeheartedly agree. Isn't it refreshing to find AI that's more sensible than some humans?