What happens when you let the dog walk you?

Let's face it, I'm in love with my personal trainer.  His name is Zappa. Zappa is a dog. We're looking after Zappa and his house, while his owners are on holidays. On the first day, I took him out for a walk with my [nearly] 3 year old daughter, we went up the street about 300m crossed to the other side and headed back home. I think to myself, hey I can do this, easy. Walking the dog is just another chore for the day. And then there was yesterday.

It was just Zappa and me. He looked at me, i looked at him. I said to him,  You know what? Why don't you take me for a walk, eh? Yeah, why not let the local show me around his neighbourhood?

We set off on a brisk walk which turned into a trot as I tried to keep up with him by maintaining slack on the leash. I recognised the challenge when he looked over his shoulder from time to time  checking on me. I'm still here buddy, is this the best you got? I would taunt him back.

He took me down pathways and alleyways and we crossed roads, I totally let him decide where he wanted to take me. He would occasionally stop at some random spot and sniff around for some secret coded message from other dogs, sometimes he would leave a reply in the form of a measured squirt of pee. Later on I would wonder how much pee does the dog hold back so he can use it to leave messages?

At some point, he led me down this track that wound up in the bushes  behind people's backyards. I realised I had no idea how I got here or how I was going to get home. I started to think that maybe, letting the dog pick the route was not my brightest idea today.

Oh but it's not so bad. I cheered myself up, even if things really were to get totally fucked up, we still got GPS on my phone.

My phone! I could take pictures along the route! So took a snap of where we were and continued to let Zappa lead me through this strange labyrinth of laneways, parks, and ovals,  I wondered how many times has he walked down this path and with whom and what they saw that day.

We reached a cul-de-sac where I refused to follow when Zappa wanted to go into the private driveway of one of the houses. I was pulling the leash but Zappa stood his ground. We were at a stalemate.

Very well, how about I take a photo of this house and then we can go home? He responded to the leash after I took the photo, and now we are trotting back the way we came. When we got back through the path, we came across a footbridge leading in another direction. Tomorrow, I said to myself, we can find out where that leads to, but for now it is time to come home.

We would trot up the hill, then wait as Zappa sniffed around and stop. Sometimes he wouldn't budge until after I take a photo of whatever it was he was showing me: a flower, a tree, a sea bird what looked like a heron, another house, a black limousine with a skull ornament. As I stood panting at the crest of the last hill close to home I thought: Bloody hell, Zappa's been giving me interval training! Brilliant!

Zappa, is officially my personal trainer. I was  already looking forward to our next session.

Today we headed out the same way as yesterday. I was eagerly anticipating exploring that footbridge from yesterday. But Zappa took me a different way, this time we ended up in front of the school rather than behind it like yesterday. I was better prepared today. I'm wearing sneakers instead of those hideous Crocs.

My personal trainer is stepping it up and I'm keeping up! Past the school and across a busy 4 lane road, round the back of a community hall and boom! An off-leash play park for dogs, the size of 4 football fields. I unleashed Zappa.

Well played amigo, well played. For a brief moment I wondered what would I do if Zappa ran away? Then I put that thought away and chose to trust my trainer. He didn't really run around the field, he sniffed around and then asked for his lead back. After reattaching the lead, he refused to go anywhere,

Okay, I remember this deal, I take a photo and then we can move on. I was looking at this mountain, okay it was a hill, but it was imposing! No. I muttered to Zappa, Are you crazy? No. We're not climbing up that hill today. N. O.   No.

Sure we are, Zappa pulled me along into the trees and up a path. Up up and up. Zappa was now my Guru. I ask why must we go up the hill now? Can't we go tomorrow? He laughs and in my head he says, Because sometimes, the master feels the urge to crap on top of a mountain, and so we are going up the mountain! Be ready with your plastic bags. In my head Zappa speaks with the voice of James Earl Jones, because when it comes to epic voices, he was the first I could think of.


Okay then, if the master wants to crap on top of a mountain, he can crap on top of a f-  Whoah. I was hit with the view of Manly headlands, beaches, and suburbs, from atop Beacon Hill.

wisdom of Zappa #1 : Sometimes one feels the urge to crap on top of a mountain, Pay heed.

I understand master. There is satisfaction in setting yourself a goal and achieving it.

Hold on a moment son, we ain't on top of the mountain yet, said the voice as the dog pulled me along further up the path. Oh this isn't the top after all. We plod along upward and wham! I've been here before, in fact I stood atop that big stone slab and took pictures of the view back in January 2010. We were on Governor Philip Lookout on Beacon Hill.

wisdom of Zappa #2 : Just when you think you've achieved your goal, the real  goal appears just a little bit more out of reach, this happens more often than people think.

I took some photos, he takes me to the edge of a large boulder, I look, I take some more photos. And then I took a few moments to appreciate the amazing gift of delight and   surprise that Zappa had handed me.

When it came time to come down, I noticed that he's leading me a different way than how we had got to the real top. I recognised it eventually, it lead us to the car park.

No no no. We're not going to walk along busy 6 lane Warringah Road, I insisted.

Trust me.

Okay fine.  We set a cracking pace, jogging up the hill. I needed to catch my breath, so I pretended to stop for a photo. Amazing shots by the way.

Anyway back through the oval, stop at someone's back fence so I took a photo of their pool;  then back to the front of the school and he stops. What? Another photo? He sat on his haunches and refused to move.

Ahh okay, as I see a young woman walking her black staffordshire on the other side of the road. We observed them walk further ahead of us and I looked at Zappa. You dirty dog! Zappa stood up and started following them after they crossed to our side of the street.

Admit it, haven't I just cleverly improved our view a little bit?

We followed their bouncing bottoms, up the street, caught up and overtook them so that we're not the creepy guy following them. We parted ways near the Anglican Church.

Well what do ya know?  Zappa had shown me the valley yesterday, and today the summit.

wisdom of Zappa #3 : The summit is  worthy a goal, but in the valleys  adventure beckons.

WTF could he possibly mean? Buggered if I know.  Maybe tomorrow's session will provide  some insights.